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Ch6: Final Chapter in...

Posted 11-08-08 at 18:01 by YFelis
Updated 11-08-08 at 18:58 by YFelis
I sometimes wonder is it worthy the bother of being who you are and in a moment in time to ask yourself "Was it real", "Did it really happen", "is this what I want".
Well, today I asked myself those questions over and over again.

Was it real when I was with someone I loved, was it real all I had with him, now when someone else just brings me down when I least expect it and when I'm trying to do something for or with him. I don't like being put down or get rejected. Especially when I'm remarked about my physicl lacks and then commented stupidly, animal-like, senslesly.

Once I feel bad, down, or whatever you like to call it, I tend to overreact on times. And since I'm a person who rarely changes her mind, even if I know I've made a mistake, I still keep on the way I've chosen. So now I'm in a period when even the slightest change in my mood, or a word said to me in the wrong way can make me explode.

I hate these path situatins, so much...
Total Comments 16

Comments

Old
RaMarcus's Avatar
... I'm a bit worried to comment... you gonna shout at me?
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Posted 11-08-08 at 19:18 by RaMarcus RaMarcus is offline
Old
YFelis's Avatar
No, don't worry, I'm not going to do anything like that to you. I haven't seen, or experienced anything bad from you.
You don't plan to back-stab me, do you? If so... a lil warning: I know how to disect mammals ^^
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Posted 11-08-08 at 19:31 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
RaMarcus's Avatar
lol, I can't think of a reason why I would want to "back stab" you. Phew, I guess I'm safe
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Posted 11-08-08 at 22:41 by RaMarcus RaMarcus is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
Everyone has rough times.

My car was hit by a cow and it's costing me a repair bill.

Go figure.
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Posted 12-08-08 at 16:51 by Dogz Dogz is offline
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YFelis's Avatar
True that everyone was those downs in the mood, but I got them too damn often in the last few weeks and on several occasions have wondered if it'd be better for me just to quit.
As a whole I'm not a person who quits like that, I have to have either a reason or to be so hurt that I can take it no more. Yet, I rarely get something to the end ( project wise ), but that's usually because of getting bored or running out of ideas ^^, however, that particular time, or rather, those times I've felt miserable in something I once enjoyed, or felt close to me.

So I ask myself "Should I keep on doiing this?"
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Posted 13-08-08 at 19:55 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
No point being a quitter in life. You only get one shot at it.

I wouldn't say the last year has been particularly great for me. However, I struggle on with the hope that it will improve eventually.

You just need to learn to relax and block out the crap things that happen.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 08:10 by Dogz Dogz is offline
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YFelis's Avatar
Easier said than done.

Sometimes you have to unblock the craps, just because everybody relies on you to do everything.

You are right - we all have one shot, and one shot only, but what is the point to poison your being and waste your nerves at a young age? Lately at work I do only that - waste my energy, my nerves and my trust in mself.

Isn't it that negative for me? And if one's purpose in life is to live shouldn't I try to extn my life time? and right now i'm doing just the opposite.
My parents told me that inow is the ime when I can quit things because in few years that will be a luxirious choice.
As Oscar Wilde said "Youth is the only thing worth having". And I feel that I'm wasting my youth.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 14:06 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
I don't really know you so difficult to recommend changes.

Whatever you're not happy with, try and identify an alternative to improve the situation. Like if your not happy with your current friends, look to meet new ones.
Not happy with a job....possibly look for another one.

At times it is difficult to focus on the positives.

Your parents are right in saying you have your youth and at a good time to make changes with your life.

You just need to identify what needs changed right away and how to do that.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 14:18 by Dogz Dogz is offline
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YFelis's Avatar
I need change of my wardrobe and the coffee - I am sick of that nescafe... I want Tchibo or Dawn. I also want a cat to change my brother.

That aside. Right now I'm changing a lot of things, i have always been one big change - nothing permanent about me, well, maybe my hair colour and eye colour, oh and gender. Maybe in amonth I'll have more clear a view on me, my life and the next steps in my existance
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Posted 14-08-08 at 14:46 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
Your gender? You're not actually considering changing that are you....?

Well change in wardrobe and coffee are simple things.

Nothing to worry about there.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 15:08 by Dogz Dogz is offline
Old
YFelis's Avatar
No gender change here, don't worry. I'm gonna keep my pussy.

Dogz, thanks, for verything
After all you are someone I can teach from considering I'm going through a similar path as you.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 16:34 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
Well I know how it is.

I've spent the last 12 months not enjoying life.

No money, lack of social life as a result of that. Stuck in a Uni course I hate and now repeating the exams for it so I can finally be done with it. Having few friends due to certain circumstances and having little reason to get out of bed most days.

As crap as life is, I know I can only make it better.

When my exams end next week, I plan to do so by whatever means necessary.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 18:10 by Dogz Dogz is offline
Old
YFelis's Avatar
Good luck then.

I hope that I'll like my uni course... and the room-mates...

But don't you feel a bit stronger, more mature and experienced after that unluky year?
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Posted 14-08-08 at 18:21 by YFelis YFelis is offline
Old
Dogz's Avatar
Probably do. Hard to say at the moment.

Just focusing on what needs sorted now (exams) and then sort out other things after that.
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Posted 14-08-08 at 18:34 by Dogz Dogz is offline
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Enso's Avatar
You srsly have no idea how much youre like me :3
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Posted 20-08-08 at 08:13 by Enso Enso is offline
 
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