Realization

Oh boy Oh boy... has it been TOO long since I have written anything... much less a blog/journal entry... even less, one available for the public to see!

Consider yourselves lucky... for most of my life, I was a fairly private person... but almost to the extremity of being anti-social. Thank Goodness for that entity of "change" eh?

I will probably be writing in this daily... especially nowadays since I am going through a huge heep of changes.

Man the twists that life throws at ya, I swear. One that has me really puzzled lately... am I in love?

Yea, thats right, so am I?

I believe so.

Right now I stand atop my life having accomplished quite a few things... I attend a university in my hometown with a scholarship... I know what I want to do with my life... I have my own car ... at one point in my life, I was FAT, now I am LEAN ... my family is pretty functional for the most part, with some exception... I have many friends.... but more importantly, very few friends of that who I trust with my life...

Yea, I have things made for myself pretty well... I have no reason to be unhappy.

Wrong... well, not entirely.

Although I do have things going for myself... I have always believed that school/work should come before a girlfriend/boyfriend.

And that should always hold true... at least until AFTER college, that is what I believe.

I have been talking to some girl for about seven months now... talking.

Now mind you folks, I've had several girlfriends, been in love twice already, I know how "game" works. I have confidence in myself, I am a "cool" person when I meet new people... I am not your typical guy who gets attached to the first girl that makes a nice gesture to him and believes he is in love at first sight. No.

Usually, I am just SO laid back about this... SHIT.

But... I think I am sprung this time?

Anyhow... to briefly describe her... almost perfect?

Hmm yea, that typical of anybody who is sprung to say. Only thing, is that I ADMIT TO THAT.

So yea... the problem... I think she's in love with me too? I think she feels the same exact way.

The... REAL problem?

She is scared of getting into a relationship... so it seems. Or she is doubting something. There is something, holding her back.

To some extent, this is actually respectful, (YES i know that statement is biased because I am stuck waiting, but listen!!!) I mean, seriously, would you have wanted your wife/future wife to have started dating you from day 1 that you met her? or would you have wanted to make sure she was ready to be with you?

This girl... she's so unsure of what she wants... with herself... with other people, and possibly with me.

What does that mean exactly? Well... its not that she's in limbo whether she wants me in her life or not... she tells me that she wishes to be with me, always had, and probably always will.

Ok, I'll buy it. I know the rules of attraction, this girl is CRAZY over me, she CAN'T resist me.

I'm not flattering myself, thats the truth, and IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

If I am so irresistible to her... what is holding her back????

WHAT IS IT?

Every time I see her... it feels as if her affection for me me gets deeper... and becomes harder for her to hide.

Her charm has me shackled to her uncertainty... her shades of gray... the waiting period.

Which sucks.

Being the charming, respectable, and true fellow... and one who is possibly feeling symptoms of love... I have no choice but to wait.

Feels good to get that out.

Now... I wish I can start on my sigs soon again... and all my gfx...

The problem with that... I can't RELAX or CONCENTRATE in my room... the new room I am in... used to be a garage.

WITHIN THIS GARAGE, IS A LOUD, NOISY, LAUNDRY/UTILITY ROOM.

I live with 5 other people. Thats alot of Laundry.

So yea, I may be moving out soon, or going back to my old room.

Other inconveniences this room has caused me...

lack of sleep
lack of privacy
heavy traffic
hot
TOO BIG
and other stuff I would like to hate on and motivate me to get out of here even more!!!!

Okay I'm tired, got a class tomorrow. I'll write again next time I remember.

<3 you guys.