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Life, the sooner it ends, the happier I am.

Posted 31-05-09 at 22:41 by Enso
I have no idea why I'm writing this.
Maybe it gives me a little closure, maybe i just want some attention. I really don't know.
All of you probably know me as this big dog, the one with the cocky attitude, the one with a mean and sinister reply to everything and the one who outsmarts everyone in a convo just to brush up his ego.
That's not even really me. Who am I? I have no fucking idea. I'm pretty much a puny human, not so much my body (cuz damn, it's pretty fucking huge) but by how I feel.
I feel hurt, I feel lonely and even when for some reason it actually starts to feel a little good smething comes my way to crush it. To crush the last piece of happiness I still have.

I go through daily struggles, and mainly my depression is caused by my parents. They seem to not know, or they seem to try and get me like this.
Because you see, some might have known that my childhood was never that good. At the age of two my parents seperated. My mother always told me my father was a no good man who fucked with other woman before they seperated.
And my father told me my mother was a bad woman who drinks and is always in money problems.

I don't know how much of this is true. From expierence my mother is always in money trouble, and she drinks like booze is water.

After living with my mother for years, who physically abused me and always took my little brothers side in everyting I decided it was enough and that I wanted to live with my father. I thought I could lead a happy life with him and his wife, my stepmother.

Well, it's hell.
Everyday my parents have some sort of way to make me feel utterly useless. They say mean and nasty things to me, they piss and moan about everything I do.
Especially my step-mother. She nags about everthing. Earlier this night she heard bleeping noises coming from my computer, my sound was off. She came upstairs into my room to screech and bellow in my ears that she wanted to sleep. She then proceeded to hit me because I had a spoon up in my room.

My father, he doesn't care much. Whatever that woman says is like a holy prayer to him. He takes her side in everything.
My father likes to spend time telling me that she will always be his first choice, and that I'm simply just a seed shot out of his cock in my mothers womb. Which he then says should have ejaculated in the fire.
He told me to jump in front of a train like two weeks ago.
My stepmother continues to beckon me to move out of the house, that I'm making their lives difficult and that I am only a block to them. Useless piece of shit and the only thing I do is consume.

I go to bed every night feeling sorrow and pain. Not physical pain, but pain of not having parents. Oh yes, I have parents.. but I don't consider them to be real parents.. they share not a single ounce of love for me. The only thing they're good at is giving me a roof above my head and food. And hell even I have to get that myself at times.

I just wish I could have grown up differently. I would have been a different person, I would have been a happier person. Maybe I wouldn't wish myself not to wake up when I go to sleep, maybe I wouldn't think of an easy way out.

The only thing good in my life is Joyce. I hope this will last, my heart beats for her alone. If she's out of the picture, there won't be a picture much longer.
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Old

Erm, so i got hit. By invisible forces.

Posted 06-03-08 at 20:29 by Enso
So i was coming home from the cinema, cycling happily whilst listening to slayer.
When suddenly im kicked of my bike and next thing i know im bleeding bucketloads of blood.
I bled so much, i nearly blacked out. I got so dizzy..
But i got up and managed to walk the last mile home carrying myself on my bike.
I crashed on the couch and my parents came in from their tai chi and started shaking my head and getting me to drink water xP

So heres pictures, not for the faint harted.. it shows blood.

Im completely fine tho, just shocked. Very shocked, and a bit dizzy.

[url]http://www.imagehustler.com/0308/1204838900.jpg[/url]
my face.. It was my nose that was bleeding so much. Really i could drink my blood off the floor xP

My hand.. both hands were completely covered in blood.
[url]http://www.imagehustler.com/0308/1204838916.jpg[/url]

I concur, i have absolutely no idea what hit me.. felt like someone smashed a baseball bat in my fucking face.. But there was no one around and nothing on the floor. No cars or anything passing by.
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Old

Lucid Dreams

Posted 06-03-08 at 15:40 by Enso
instead of just being boring like all of u and talk about my shitty life as well. Ill let you in on something very unique. Well might not be as unique as i think but to me it pretty much kicks ass.

I has the ability to have lucid dreams. Im sure quite a few of you know what they are im also sure most people dont know.

In my perspection, to me it means i can fully control my dreams. Before i go to sleep i think what i want to dream about and really concentrate on the images/ happenings and people and i want to dream about.

When i am sound asleep the dreams just seem to come. Once i am dreaming i can fully control them. I let my imagination take control and everything happens the way i want it to.

I can dream about you, your mother your sister even your dog. But also about me being a gladiotor or something stupid (never done that, but coming to think of it it sounds like fun).
I sometimes get the most amazing dreams and i end up feeling great. I dream of my loved ones and the certain people i would do anything to be with (whos probably reading this right now ;)).

So, coming up.. My dreams.. If i dream ill write it in a blog. Tho some dreams you dont get to know anything about. They may be too personal or too "sexy' for you to handle ;) And some are about peope on here xP

K bai <3
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Ponzi <3

Posted 05-03-08 at 20:37 by Enso
<3

[IMG]http://jj.am/gallery/d/35712-1/vomitblood.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://jj.am/gallery/v/Random/PonZi/hug_001.jpg.html[/IMG]
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Old

Teh World of Warcraft

Posted 05-03-08 at 12:30 by Enso
So i downloaded warcraft and have been playing (for free) for quite some time nao D: well not really my /played has 1 day and 23 hours, but i did spend a week going to bed at 3 am.

It is addicting god damn it. I used to play it before but i got bored with my GM powers. Yes a was a genuine gm helping noobs with bugs or whatever.

But now im playing on this server and having quite some fun and having my friends play as well :D Tho their are certain things i miss out on.

- Tags, i havent made a single tag in ages. I did a large piece for the wallpaper battle which i made mucho to late cuz of WoW.

- Talking with peoples.

- Social life. I even had rows with my parents cuz of it. xD

But yeah rest of the time i post on here, watch tv and porn and do nothing. Oh i do go to the gym, minimum of twice a week.

Well thats it, heres some funny shit.

[IMG]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqJE5TH5jhc[/IMG]

I haz a Blood Elf Warlock and i havent lost a single pvp battle ;) Its only lvl 22, im not too familiar with the new world and im confused as for where to quest and train now.
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